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Posts:
3
Registered:
6/11/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
Jun 12, 2008 3:25 PM
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> There are 7 years between my brother and myself. We
> have always been pretty close. He is 22 years old
> now and he asked to stay "a few weeks" with me but
> that was months ago now. I am married and have 3 boys
> of my own. He's a great uncle and he's not causing
> any trouble but he does have a job and there is no
> reason he can't get his own place. How do you say
> it's been long enough and let him know he needs to
> go?? I have thought of several things to say but I
> just can't do it when it comes face to face time!! I
> really wouldn't mind but taking care of our family is
> plenty of time and money. He doesn't even offer to
> contribute money wise and he complains when asked to
> do something like take out the trash!! Yet he eats
> our food and lives it up in our home!! What do I
> say?? And how do I do it?? 
I completely agree!!!
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Posts:
134
Registered:
2/28/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
May 20, 2008 5:59 PM
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My little brother is a senior in high school and he is the opposite. He thinks that as soon he graduates and gets a job he is going to move out and start living on his own. I try to tell him he might need to wait until he has saved some money first but he says no i will get a job and get an apartment all on my own. i guess that is something he will have to learn on his own.
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Posts:
234
Registered:
2/27/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
May 9, 2008 6:46 AM
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I've been through this with my younger brother and also going through this with my eldest son. We do seem to more assertive when it comes to our children. My brother eventually moved back home (several states away) with our parents.
With our son, we have sat him down and told him what we felt is acceptable and not. If he wishes to continue staying here while looking for his own place, he will contribute towards groceries. He is also expected to help out with chores when asked.
Allison brought up a good point about expenses and having a roommate. My son is actually leaning towards this himself to help cut cost. He does wish to have his own place again. In an effort to help move him out, I look daily for something that will accommodate him price wise, as well as location to his job.
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Posts:
228
Registered:
2/25/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
May 7, 2008 6:16 PM
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I would love to know if you have had the talk with him yet and how it went? let us know please! Thank you!
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Posts:
114
Registered:
2/6/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
May 6, 2008 6:38 PM
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Tough love is never easy. The ideas here are good ones. It's more for his good than yours. He may know someone he would like to room with and share an apartment. With the cost of everything, that might be an option and he won't be so lonely that way. My son is in a 3 bedroom house and has 2 roommates. He says he would rather live alone but fears he can't afford it and would get lonely. I would tell him you want to help him move so he can start learning what it takes to provide for one's self, etc.
Keep the ideas coming everyone, I think we are getting there. 
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Posts:
36
Registered:
4/22/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
May 6, 2008 7:23 AM
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My 22 year old daughter moved back in with me a while back and we had the same problem. Of course she is still my child and I was able to assert my authority as a mom so it's a little different.
I would put price tags on everything in the kitchen. Write up a bill for rent and utilities and hand it to him. Also make a chore chart for him and the kids. (that one really got my daughter) The whole idea of her moving home was to help her out not to burden me. I didn't make her pay anything but she was not going to sit around and the rest of us be her maid.
I feel better!
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Posts:
302
Registered:
3/4/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
May 6, 2008 6:48 AM
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You are a good sis, letting him stay with you and your family but all good things seem to have to move on. Why don't you sit down with him and work out a time line? Let him know that you are not throwing him out of your house but he also needs to know that it is time for him to find a place of his own. Perhaps there are apartments available near you? Maybe he needs a nudge ....lol.
I would add into the time line some expectations of him while he is still with you. He can help out with some household jobs. And you might mention that you would appreciate some help ($$$) with groceries.
Seems as if you all need to sit down and have a good chat.
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Posts:
82
Registered:
4/2/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
Apr 29, 2008 9:41 AM
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How sweet you have been to your younger brother. I think you have to handle it like a parent. What would a parent do that loves their child?
The parent would say, "well you are 22 and working, that is wonderful I am so proud of you. It is time and you are ready to be on your own so let’s start looking for a place for you. What sort of place would you like to look for and how close do you want to be to us"
You just say it and make it clear you are staying in each other’s lives, that is not an option. A parent would just make it the next step in the child’s development, it would not be a hurtful situation, and it would just be natural.
Do it with love and be excited for him. Be involved in his search for a place. A parent would express that being on your own is an exciting time that comes with a lot of benefits.
Good luck and enjoy helping him make this transition.
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Posts:
197
Registered:
2/27/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
Apr 29, 2008 6:58 AM
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hard situation to handle i'll tell you my mom died 2 years ago and my brother was only turning 18 at the time so he went to live with my sister that has 3 kids of her own [i live overseas so he didn't want to leave the states] he stayed there for a year he didn't work and then he decided to stay with my youngest sister she's 27 and has no kids but she's married and he's been there for a year now and he still doesn't' work too. she doesn't' work also and she doesn't want to pressure him to get a job. but i think he has to. so you're brother at least works. my question is why doesn't he stay at your parents, and if that's not an option you should tell him in the kindest words possible that you and your husband need some privacy and that you need a break. sounds totally acceptable to say something like that. i used to live in new york city and we'd get a lot of guests from overseas and they'd come to stay with us for months at a time!! i used to go crazy!!!! i would get so mad at my husband for accepting so many guests, i felt like a hotel most of the time until i just put my foot down and was like it's me or them! guess he picked me cause i'm still here! so i totally understand the lack of privacy that comes with that territory. hope this helps
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Posts:
172
Registered:
2/26/08
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Re: how do you say it's time to go??
Apr 29, 2008 6:27 AM
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Tell him that you and your family have loved having him around, however since he has a stable job/lifestyle, you think that he could handle being on his own. Put this all in terms that would sound good to him, make sure there are plenty of "good" reasons he should want to go.
Good luck.
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Posts:
4
Registered:
4/28/08
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how do you say it's time to go??
Apr 28, 2008 7:43 PM
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There are 7 years between my brother and myself. We have always been pretty close. He is 22 years old now and he asked to stay "a few weeks" with me but that was months ago now. I am married and have 3 boys of my own. He's a great uncle and he's not causing any trouble but he does have a job and there is no reason he can't get his own place. How do you say it's been long enough and let him know he needs to go?? I have thought of several things to say but I just can't do it when it comes face to face time!! I really wouldn't mind but taking care of our family is plenty of time and money. He doesn't even offer to contribute money wise and he complains when asked to do something like take out the trash!! Yet he eats our food and lives it up in our home!! What do I say?? And how do I do it??
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